Why chess pieces lead miserable lives

Earlier, a piece on how people are like chess pieces; now, some thoughts on how chess pieces are like people:

The thing with chess is, that all the pieces except the [pawn] are frustrate[d] cause they can't evolve and learn new tricks. The rooks are pissed because they're lab[e]led as meathead[s] ... always attacking things straight on. The bishops are criticized for having no spine - cause they never deal with things head on or directly. They always take some crooked sideways approach to dealing with their problems and no one sees them coming. They're the back stabbers of the game. And the [k]night (horsey) is the pretty boy. He's always dancing ... always dancing. And you're like "QUIT MESSIN' AROUND AND PLAY THE GAME LIKE EVERY OTHER PIECE" ... but Noooo, it just keeps dancing. And the king's pissed cause he's kept on a short leash by his wife, the queen.

From comments on the blog kai was here.